Step Four

Made a searching and fearless inventory of all unresolved matters pertaining to my loss

Step Four is a critical step in the process of understanding the difference in our suffering and pain. A “Fearless Inventory of all unresolved matters”. First, this means what are those loose ends, anything that you have unresolved with the subject of your loss. It MUST be fearless. Are there events or any other reasons that you may harbor a resentment? There may be some truths that will be hard to realize and accept, but more about that later. This can also be healing. Are there unresolved items that you can undertake on behalf of your loss. Bring peace and balance to their, or its’ memory and your heart. This is service work in for the lost. Keep in mind, this list is what will start the process of closure to you. More importantly, peace. Remove the suffering and unresolved matters are one of the biggest sources of suffering we have.

Here are some examples of items you can include in your inventory.

  • Saying goodbye – Was this a sudden loss? How can you express or say goodbye? Letter? Audio or video recording? Maybe in the next step? What do you think they would say? We all can use that closure that a final conversation can bring.

  • Resentments – Did you harbor any resentments or anger towards the person or object that you do not know how to release and make amends to that they/it is gone?

  • Are there any amends or unresolved matters that you can make on the behalf of the lost one?


These examples are just a very few. You can work with your Grief Sponsor or contact Grieving Anonymous for more guidance on this most important step.